3. When Therapy Feels Like Too Much: A Gentle Approach to Trauma Healing

What Therapy to Have When You Don’t Want Therapy(Part 3 of 4)

You may not know this- but sometimes people come to therapy knowing they want things to change…but feeling unsure about whether they actually want to talk about the past.

That hesitation makes a lot of sense, and is very common.

For many people, the idea of revisiting painful experiences can feel overwhelming or simply too much. Some worry it will make things worse. Others already know how intense it can feel when certain memories come up. The truth is, that even without "going there", they are already experiencing the impact of the past event(s). And so that's where I would invite them to start- with what they know, feel, and experience right now.

It is also where somatic therapy modalities like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) and EFT-Tapping (Evidence Based Emotional Freedom Techniques - Tapping) can be really helpful. Somatic therapy works with the connection between the mind and the body. Instead of relying only on talking things through, it helps the nervous system process experiences through sensations, emotions, and gentle awareness.

Approaches like EMDR and EFT tapping allow people to process difficult experiences without needing to fully retell or relive everything. It may simply start with noticing what the discomfort the body is holding today. It might work on a recent upset that happening in the last few days.

It might be a feeling, a belief, or a physical sensation that shows up when something is mentioned.

The work is always guided at a pace that feels safe (see Part 1 of this series to learn more about this).

Sometimes we only approach things briefly or just work with the hesitation of "going there".

The goal is not to push you into reliving trauma, but to help your nervous system learn that it can process the edges of the experience in a gentle way without becoming distressed beyond your "window of tolerance" (This is a term we use to describe the level of intensity someone is OK with when revisiting events/feelings).

You don’t have to share every detail, and in fact there have been many occasions where I might be working with someone and they do not share any detail at all about the memory they are focusing on. Trauma- informed therapy will not pushed before you’re ready. And you stay in control of the pace. Typically speaking, as that sense of safety grows, people naturally become more open to exploring the things they once avoided. Not because they have to, but because they feel ready.