Understanding Matrescence

The Transition Into Motherhood

What Is Matrescence?

Most people have heard of adolescence—the developmental transition from childhood to adulthood.

Fewer people have heard of matrescence, the developmental transition into motherhood.

Matrescence describes the physical, emotional, psychological, social, relational, and identity changes that occur when a woman becomes a mother. It is not a single event that happens after birth. Rather, it is an ongoing process of adaptation and growth.

Just as adolescence can feel exciting, confusing, joyful, and challenging all at once, so too can matrescence. If you have found yourself thinking:

• I don't quite feel like myself anymore • I'm not sure who I am outside of being a mother • Why is this harder than I expected? • Why do I feel both grateful and overwhelmed?

You are not alone.

These experiences are often a normal part of matrescence.

The Hidden Changes of Motherhood

While much attention is given to pregnancy, birth, and caring for a baby, many of the deeper changes of motherhood are less visible.

Matrescence may involve:

Physical Changes

• Hormonal fluctuations• Sleep disruption• Changes in energy levels• Recovery from pregnancy and birth• Changes in body image

Emotional Changes

• Increased sensitivity• Greater vulnerability• Heightened anxiety or worry• Stronger emotional reactions• Feelings of joy, grief, love, frustration, and guilt

Identity Changes

• Redefining who you are• Shifting priorities and values• Balancing motherhood with other life roles• Letting go of old expectations• Creating a new sense of self

Relationship Changes

• Changes in intimacy• New family roles and responsibilities• Less time together as a couple• Negotiating parenting approaches• Increased reliance on support networks

The Strengths of Matrescence

Although matrescence can feel challenging, it is also a period of remarkable growth.

Many mothers discover strengths they never knew they possessed.

During matrescence, women often develop:

• Greater resilience • Increased empathy • Stronger intuition • Enhanced problem-solving skills • Improved adaptability • Deeper emotional awareness • A stronger sense of purpose

Motherhood does not necessarily make women stronger because of suffering. Rather, navigating profound change often reveals strengths that were already there.

The Challenges of Matrescence

It is important to acknowledge that matrescence is not always easy.

Many mothers experience:

• Exhaustion

• Self-doubt

• Anxiety

• Loneliness

• Feeling overwhelmed

• Loss of confidence

• Relationship strain

• Difficulty prioritising their own needs

Experiencing these challenges does not mean you are doing motherhood wrong. It often means you are adjusting to one of life's most significant developmental transitions.

ADHD and Matrescence

For women with ADHD, matrescence can be particularly intense. In fact, many women first recognise or are diagnosed with ADHD after becoming mothers.

Motherhood places enormous demands on the very skills that ADHD can affect most.

These include:

• Planning and organisation

• Working memory

• Time management

• Emotional regulation

• Prioritising tasks

• Managing multiple responsibilities simultaneously

Many ADHD mothers describe feeling as though they are carrying an invisible mental checklist that never switches off. Remembering appointments. Managing school notices. Tracking medications. Planning meals. Keeping household systems running. Meeting the needs of multiple family members.

This invisible "mental load" can become exhausting.

Hormones Matter Too

Research suggests that hormones influence dopamine, one of the brain chemicals involved in ADHD.

As a result, some women notice ADHD symptoms become more noticeable during times of significant hormonal changes (Pregnancy• Postpartum• Breastfeeding• Perimenopause).

This is not a personal failing.

It is often a reflection of the interaction between hormones, neurobiology, sleep deprivation, and increased life demands.

Strengths ADHD Mothers Often Bring

While ADHD can create challenges, it can also bring valuable strengths.

Many ADHD mothers are:

• Creative • Flexible • Playful • Imaginative • Emotionally attuned • Deeply empathetic • Excellent in a crisis • Able to think outside the box

The goal is not about perfection. The goal is to start building understanding, support, and self-compassion.

How Partners Can Support During Matrescence

Research from relationship expert John Gottman suggests that strong relationships during the transition to parenthood are built through small, everyday moments of connection.

1. Share the Mental Load

Support is more than helping when asked.

It means noticing what needs doing and taking responsibility for it.

Examples include:

✓ Managing appointments✓ Tracking school events✓ Planning meals✓ Organising household tasks

Mental labour counts too.

2. Express Appreciation Often

Many mothers hear what they forgot.

Few hear what they did well.

Simple statements such as:

"I noticed how much effort you put into today."

"Thank you for everything you do for our family."

can have a significant impact.

3. Stay Connected

Even small moments of connection matter.

• Ask how she is coping• Listen without trying to fix• Offer affection• Show curiosity about her experience

Feeling emotionally seen is often as important as practical support.

4. Protect Her Identity

Mothers need opportunities to remain connected to themselves.

Partners can support this by encouraging:

• Friendships• Hobbies• Exercise• Rest• Personal goals• Time alone

Being a mother is important.

It is not the entirety of who she is.

5. Remember You Are a Team

Parenthood can easily become a cycle of logistics and survival.

Taking time to nurture friendship, affection, and partnership helps couples remain connected through periods of stress and change.

A Gentle Reminder

Matrescence is not a sign that something is wrong.

It is evidence that something significant is happening.

You are growing, adapting and becoming.

Like all major life transitions, matrescence can contain both joy and struggle.

You do not need to navigate it perfectly. You do not need to navigate it alone.

If you are finding this transition difficult, reaching out for support is a sign of strength, not failure. "Nobody Talks About These Parts of Motherhood..."

with short normalising statements such as:

✓ Missing your old life does not mean you do not love your baby.

✓ Loving your baby and struggling with motherhood can exist at the same time.

✓ Needing support does not mean you are failing.

✓ Wanting time to yourself is healthy.

✓ You do not have to enjoy every moment to be a good mother.

✓ Your identity matters too. References

• Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2007). And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives.

• Raphael, D. (1973). The Tender Gift: Breastfeeding.

• Sacks, A., & Birndorf, C. (2019). What No One Tells You: A Guide to Your Emotions from Pregnancy to Motherhood.

• Daminger, A. (2019). The cognitive dimension of household labor. American Sociological Review, 84(4), 609–633.

• Kooij, J. J. S., et al. (2023). Female-specific considerations in ADHD across the lifespan. European Psychiatry.

• World Health Organization. (2022). World Mental Health Report.